I'm really not sure if anyone actually reads this... so that's why I've stopped writing. But I guess part of writing this is to keep track of my own life, the ups and downs, and hopefully I share something that someone somewhere will find interesting, interesting enough to help them through whatever they're going through, or just for some personal enjoyment, that works for me too.
I don't really know where to start, my last post was apparently December 31st, 2012... which I thought was kinda funny, I haven't posted for 7 months. Let's just say, not a whole lot happened new years day which caused me to not post, in fact, I don't even remember what happened at all, but that's besides the point.
What actually prompted me to post is the fact that I started going to Church again, more specifically, I started going to Tenth 3rd Service. Some background info... my brother use to work at this Church, he worked at a different site so I never saw him, but when I first moved to Vancouver I'd go to Tenth, mainly because I didn't know any other churches around the area. Then I started to get lazy, school started, met a friend that went to a Chinese church... more background info... I grew up in a Chinese Church, I didn't really have a good experience with it, I went every Sunday because my family went, and later on I went every Sunday because well.. it was a routine, and there was no way my mom would ever let me skip Church, so I kept going, but the experience I had at Church was not the greatest. Granted I had friends there but that was pretty much the highlight of Church, being able to socialize with my Church friends... which I thought was kinda pointless because we can just do that outside of Church.
Anyway, since I hadn't been to a Chinese Church in such a long time, and I actually knew someone that went, I thought I'd go with them to give it a try... I went, for a few weeks, and it got kinda mundane, I wasn't getting anything out of it, and even though I had only been going for 3 weeks, I felt like I was already back in a routine that I had for years when I grew up in a Chinese Church back in Calgary.
So I stopped going, and then a few weeks later I felt like I needed to try something else, so I went to a mega church, it felt great, the experience was good, but I still didn't really feel like I belonged, I really don't know why, it just felt weird, it was too big, it felt like I was there but not really there, I felt like everyone around me were perfect, and I'm not worthy enough to be there, so I stopped going back.
Things then got pretty busy, I started to work and my Sundays consisted of sleeping in (by 1 hour compared to other days), waking up, going to work and sometimes doing something after work or just going home to relax... until one Sunday I don't know why I suddenly decided to try going to Tenth 3rd Service. I was really nervous, I was scared, I hadn't been to Church in probably over 6 months, spiritually I was feeling quite down, emotionally I was not doing well either, I felt broken. For the first time ever when I walked in and the worship team started playing I felt like I was surrounded by a presence I cannot describe with words, I didn't feel like the people around me were perfect, I felt like they were just like me, and in the beginning it was REALLY weird, I was almost like.. "Woah, why are they here.. is this even real?" Then I started to feel God speak to me, this is what Church is suppose to be like, we're suppose to go Worship God as we are, it doesn't matter Who we are, How we're dressed, and What's been happening, we're all there, together to Worship God and that's all that mattered. I soon began to feel something I had not felt in years, I felt God's presence in the room, in a room full of people that I normally would walk away from if I saw them in the street, people I would be quick to judge, and people I would never associate myself with because of how "scruffy" they looked, I felt that God was trying to tell me something, that He welcomes everyone, every single person that wants to be there to Worship Him.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say with this post... Am I magically healed and all perfect now? No, definitely not, I still have my emotional and spiritual struggles, but at least I now have a place where I can feel safe, and attempt to grow in a stronger spiritual relationship. I hope if someone out there really does read this, it somehow helps you or maybe even just gives you something to think about.
Anyway, that's my story about Church, I hope to keep updating this blog again on a regular basis.
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